The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.

Sometimes it feels like my life repeats itself, and I find myself wrestling with the same damn melodrama over and over again. Over and over again. Over and over again… Being chewed up and spit out by one institution after another.

And this physical existence, this “school of life”, full of pain and grit and mess. Full of learning. Full of yearning… I want to be there, but I’m here. When am I going to get there? It’s going to feel so good when I finally get there. Why am I not there already?!

[struggle struggle struggle]

And sometimes I hear this voice in my head, “The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.” It’s a feminine voice, full of gentle authority. Projected through the speakers of a PA system, mounted high in the corners of some institutional walls. It says, “The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.”

It could be horrifying, this institutional voice in my head.
[snotty to the voice]
The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.
Ginny’s falling behind in class…
Ginny, pay attention!
Ginny is very smart, but fails to apply herself.
The lessons will be repeated until they are learned…

[despair, anger]
Awwwe FUCK YOU!” Double middle fingers to the voice.

But the voice continues, soft and gentle. “The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.” It becomes a wash in the background of my thoughts.
[pause in struggling. you breathe carefully]
The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.
And the voice is, comforting…

There is no test, no final exam.
No deadlines.
No “Ginny’s not doing her work.
There is only time. And space. And an infinite patience that is not my own but is there for me should I choose to allow it.
[breathe]
The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.
Because this life, this learning institution, this physical existence… full of grime and pain and mess. Full of yearning…

This is the destination.
and “The lessons will be repeated until they are learned.” 

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